Former Indian cricketer Robin Uthappa recalled the dark times in his life when was batting depression back in 2011. Recently, England’s Graham Thorpe died by suicide, his family confirmed, after the retired batter suffered from depression and anxiety. Thorpe’s wife, Amanda, said that Thorpe underwent several treatments, but couldn’t bring a change to his mental health.
The 38-year-old Uthappa said that going through depression can take a toll, both mentally and physically. He said that when his mental health was compromised, he found it tough to get out of bed and look at himself in the mirror out of shame. Back then, Uthappa was in the first-half of his career and was also a part of the 2007 T20 World Cup-winning Indian squad.
“I recently heard about Graham Thorpe and we have heard about multiple cricketers who have ended their lives because of depression. Even in the past, we have heard of athletes and cricketers who have ended their lives because of clinical depression. I personally have been there as well. I know for a fact that it’s not a pretty journey. It’s debilitating, it’s exhausting and it’s heavy. It feels burdening,” Uthappa told on his YouTube channel.
‘I know how defeated I felt’
“You feel like you are worthless. You feel like you are a burden to the people who you love. You feel like absolutely hopeless. Every step feels heavier and heavier. Every step you take, it feels like more is being added on to you. And just feel immobile. I went through weeks and months and years of just not wanting to get out of the bed,” he said.
“I remember in 2011 I went the year so ashamed of who I became as a human being that I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. I went all of 2011 just not looking at myself in the mirror. I did avoid any opportunity or even an instance of me looking at myself anywhere. And I know how defeated I felt in those moments. I know how burdensome my existence had become. I know how far away from being purposeful in life,” Uthappa added.
Despite facing challenges with his mental health, Uthappa had a decent career. Having played for Mumbai Indians (MI), Royal Challengers Bengaluru (RCB), Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR), the now defunct Pune Warriors, Chennai Super Kings (CSK) and Rajasthan Royals (RR), Uthappa tasted success in the Indian Premier League (IPL).
In 46 ODIs and 13 T20Is in his international career spanning nine years, Uthappa scored 1183 runs with the help of six half-centuries. Back on September 2022, Uthappa announced his retirement from all forms of cricket.